Asking and the Unkept Heart
Certain things have been engraved upon my heart by God's grace. I know, both in my head and my heart that God loves me. I know he has redeemed me through Christ and that he has a plan for me, and that all the good things in my life and world proceed from Him. I also know that when I suffer (whether through my own waywardness or through his plan) that he is there with me, shepherding me and caring for me. I do not doubt His passion for me or his presence in my life. Indeed, the evidence of his care for me is personally overwhelming and I could scarce do more than yield to it. This then is the basis for my walk with Christ - the combination of my will, my heart and my intellect yielded to a living Jesus. For me, this is settled and unshakable ground.
Then too, when it comes to miracles and the gifts of the Spirit, I do not doubt that they are real and that God moves daily on people all over the world. I have seen miracles and experienced mind blowing manifestations of God's presence. This too is settled for me. God does move and I have seen it. If that is not something that is settled for you, re-read the first paragraph. You might recognize that the first paragraph represents a greater leap of faith than the second - even though we often get them reversed. Relationship with a living God is a miracle not to be discounted as ordinary. It's not as splashy as filling teeth or growing limbs, but it is certainly far more powerful and life changing.
So, I have a firm belief in both the inward life of Christ and the outward manifestations of His presence. Still, I have a problem. I don't really ask God for much. You see, I have somehow adopted a path of basic non-resistance to life's events. I accept things as they come and do not ask for God's intervention very often. In fact, I have to say that I have not been asking God for anything other than to grow in knowing him. Perhaps that seems noble. You might say that such a deep and Spiritual sentiment is a testament to my maturity in Christ. You would be wrong. I have needs and hurts and wants. I feel desperate and hungry. There are times I feel trapped in a circumstance where the way out is closed. These are things I should be giving to Jesus.
In fact, I usually choose not to ask for some very unspiritual reasons. Perhaps you are like me and we can figure out how to start asking God together. First, let's talk about those dynamics of giver and receiver and what it means to "ask".
Subtle Pride
Hmmm... Can it be that my pride keeps me from asking God? Isn't not asking for stuff more humble than asking? Well, that depends on your view of pride and humility. If you think humility is something akin to the "Wayne's World" caricature of bowing and saying "we're not worthy" then yes, I suppose that not asking is more "humble" than asking. In me, however, there is something else at work than just a sense of unworthiness.
Think about our general way of communicating for a moment. Do you ever get miffed at a friend or acquaintance for something they failed to say? One of those annoying little habits we have as humans is to make our feelings about others dependent on contrived expectations. Consider the haircut. It's a change of appearance - right? After getting a haircut do you find yourself keeping score on who notices and who doesn't? We can't help but internalize the expectation that folks should notice a change in our appearance - and if they don't notice it means that they are not paying attention. Somehow, it feels belittling to have to ask, "Hey... did you notice my haircut?"
Of course a haircut is trivial. There are many other areas of our life where we have this same dynamic working under the surface. People feel unappreciated at work because no one notices the excellence of the job that they are doing. Sometimes spouses feel unfulfilled in marriage because their counterpart can't correctly discern and act on their needs. Friendships die or wither because one person feels unnoticed in some way by the other. Don't you think God shakes his head at us sometimes. Proverbs 4:23 says:
Keep your heart with all diligence, for out of it spring the issues of life. (New King James)
Now that is a pearl of wisdom if ever there was one. Most of the time when I slip up I'm not "keeping my heart". I'm allowing it to run roughshod over reality and common sense. These slights I imagine from others are often things of my own making! When I create secret expectations and then allow myself to become embittered when others don't "measure up", I have created a downward spiral that has the potential to corrupt all of my relationships.
Here's the kicker - we often have the same dysfunction operating in our relationship to God. Why don't I approach God with my needs and wants? Is it because I feel belittled by the act of asking? Internally I have Him set up to prove that he's thinking about me. "If he really loved me," I secretly ponder, "then he would know I'm fill in the blank and rush to meet my need." Otherwise, I'm free to believe he is not thinking about me at all. And believing that we are being neglected by God allows us to act selfishly. It gives the sinful nature a foothold.
In fact, a personal episode brought this home to me. It was several Sunday's ago and I was on the platform. I was struggling that Sunday. Work pressures, my daughters impending college choices and other things had been really weighing on me. Pastor Dave was there and he left the platform and approached someone in the congregation to pray for them. Our pastors are like that. When the Lord leads them they strike out and open their hearts. In any case, as I was singing and worshiping I found myself thinking "Hey, God knows I am needy too. Why doesn't he ever send Dave or Les or Tracy to pray for me?" (I use just their first names when I'm thinking). It was an "unguarded" thought. I was not "keeping my heart with all diligence".
As I pondered this thought I became more anxious and unsettled. Self-pity is always an accelerated downward spiral. It just feeds on itself and gets worse and worse. Wasn't God aware of my situation? Wasn't He my Father and Savior? Why didn't He.... Ah... why didn't He what? Why didn't He meet my need in the way I expected? Why didn't He pander to my petty expectations for attention? You see how that works? I had "set God up" to disappoint me. How could it be otherwise? Of course, God didn't really disappoint me. I had simply made the whole thing up in my unguarded heart. Isn't it amazing how easily we are miffed when we decide to set the agenda for ourselves? The truth is that I had not asked God. I had not approachedhim. I wasn't drawing near to him or seeking him. I had not laid my burdens at his feet and rested in his care. Instead I was rampaging around willy nilly trying to tell God how he should go about meeting my needs even though I had not yet entrusted my needs to Him.
Child Like
In Mathew 7:8-11 Jesus compares asking to the relationship between a child and a Parent:
Jesus is clear about it. Asking and seeking are a part of the equation for receiving from God. The dynamic is that of a parent and a child. Of course God could simply monitor our needs and make sure his plan is moving along in our lives, but God is not an aloof benefactor. He is not like a stern and absent Father sending his children to boarding school and monitoring reports from the headmaster. God is an engaged Father. He wants his children to come to him. He wants to hear our praise, our sorrows, our joys, our suffering and yes, our wants and needs.
As a father I completely get this. Each night around the supper table I ask each of my children 2 questions:
- How was your day?
- Did anything exciting happen?
If they are in a reasonable mood, each of my kids (young adults now really) tell me about the fun stuff and the ugly stuff - and I shy away from neither. I'm looking to help, comfort and instruct them in any way I can. Often I'm just looking to have a conversation with them. I delight in the little details of their lives at school. Whether we are discussing the latest topic in History or quoting from our favorite movies, I just enjoy "communing" with my family. My goal as a father is that they may grow and thrive in Jesus and His life.
Jesus instructs us to approach him as his children. Children know how to ask. Like the verse above we can easily imagine a young child saying to his Father, "can I please have a fish?" Of course if I gave my son Matthew a snake instead of a fish he would probably be delighted, but perhaps that is a cultural thing. The point is that children know how to ask, just as parents know how to provide. Children know how to present what they need and what they want. They often confuse the two, but that's where the wisdom of a parent can help them sort it out. And that is the approach that God wants from us. He wants us to honestly approach him and ask. He wants us to trust in his wisdom and grace.
Jesus, Help me to stop striving with my needs and wants and un-met expectations. Help me to lean on you. Help me to trust you enough to lay my burdens at your feet honestly and without pretense. Help me to acknowledge your wisdom and my own foolishness. Help me to learn to open my heart and ask.
Choir Director, singer, piano player, technologist and erstwhile blogger.