Learning About Trust From Your Kids

I was thinking about the issue of trust the other day. How do we examine our trust of God? It's one of those abstract things we think we understand. We seem to think of trust as a rather flat emotion or decision with no layers or nuances. If you trust the bank you put your money there. If not, you take it out. Our trust in a bank is based on its credibility as an institution. There aren't many layers to such trust. We don't put our wallet on the bank's front step and then watch closely ready to swoop in and grab it away if our heart fails us and we get nervous. It's black and white trust. The bank has met its threshold of proof that it is worthy of trusting - therefore, we trust. But this simple illustration can't really plumb the depths of what it means to trust God. Personally, I think my understanding of trust has been deepened by my relationships with my children.

As a Father I understand the term "selfless love", although I'm an imperfect practitioner. I want the very best for my children. I want them to grow and mature in God. I want them to study hard in school, receive high marks, go to a good college, and handle disappointment with honor. I want them to be happy and confident - meaning content and "at rest" with their place in the world and what God has called them to be. I am desperate that my sons not repeat my sins and failings in their own lives. I watch for signs of my old arrogance and self-importance creeping into them and I do my best to help them see it and deal with it (without becoming an ogre). I think and pray about my children more than anything else in my life.

Relational Trust

Although I have not always been trustworthy, my children have always trusted me. That's the way children are. A father is a larger-than-life figure in the life a a small child. It seems he can do anything and it feels like he knows everything. A child-like trust is the kind of black and white trust that we usually mean when we talk abouttrusting God. Early in their development my children simply believed what I said. They believed I was good and that I could protect them and help them. They thought I was so smart that I knew things they could not possibly know. Trust was absolute. I think this might be part of what Jesus meant when he told the disciples they needed the "faith of a little child".

Of course as children get older they don't stop believing in you, but that does not mean they continue to accept everything you say at face value. They have their own mind and will and they begin to see things differently. Children (especially your ownchildren) have a gift for seeing through any inauthentic beliefs or behavior in your life. They can see right through hypocrisy, blind spots and personal failings. They don't buy into crusty old excuses you've used for years to medicate your own pain. So, as they mature, they often become a bellwether for your own ability to change and grow. If you look closely at your interaction with your children you can usually find out how static and entrenched you have become. Watch and you will see some of the fallow ground in your own life that God needs to plow. I think my children have been a great influence on me as a man, a husband and as a father - perhaps as great as I will ever be on them.

Here's the question - should I see this new ability to see through me as a lack of trust? Do they no longer trust me because they struggle with buying into everything that I say or everything I believe? Should I be wallowing in self-pity wondering why they don't trust me any more? The truth is that my children do trust me. They know that I love them and want what is best for them. In fact, they will still follow me and obey me even if they disagree with me. You see, this trust does not have a basis solely in my credibility. My children, as they grow into young men and women, no longer believe that I know everything and can solve every problem - but they still trust me. In spite of an occasional (or sometimes more than occasional) lack of faith in my knowledge and ability, they are convinced that I love them and want what is best for them. That is the basis of their trust in me.

Now obviously I'm not suggesting that God can not be trusted to be credible. Unlike my example of an imperfect human father God can be trusted not just to love us andwant what is best for us, but to always know what is best for us. God is sovereign and omniscient. My point is that our trust in God is not like our trust in the dictionary or the constitution or a bank. It's not simply rooted in his veracity and credibility. Like a child's trust of a parent, our trust in God is ultimately rooted in our knowledge that he is our Father. He loves us. His plan is for our benefit - plans to "...prosper us and not to harm us...to give us a hope and a future" (Jeremiah 29:11). Like so many parts of the Christian life, trust is a component of our relationship with God. It grows or diminishes as we are exposed to his nature as our Father. This keeps us from turning trust into a prerequisite we check off our list and throw away.

When Bad Things Happen to goo...uh... to People Who Think They are Good or at Least "OK"

The reason this is important to me is that my personal experience with trusting God has been a constant wrestling match. I believe that Jesus is truth and life. I don't just give lip service to it, I believe it in my heart. Yet when I am faced with fearful and human events and decisions, believing that God is sovereign and omniscient does not always provide me with comfort. Things have happened in my life that I struggle to explain inside the context of God's plan for me. Like my children I sometimes ask God why. Why is this happening? Why am I hurting? Why is he silent?

My trust in God falters when it is not connected to his personal relationship with me. I find myself identifying ruefully with the man in Mark chapter 9 who pleaded for Jesus to deliver his son, "...Lord I do believe, but help me overcome my unbelief!" Thank God for including that story. It seems to me the man is saying "Lord I trust in your goodness and your faithfulness and your love for me. Help me to believe in your specific plan as well!". That describes me pretty well. My prayer is:

"Lord help me trust you, not like I trust a dictionary or a load bearing wall - but like a child trusting his father. I believe that you want what is best for me, even when I don't understand your ways! Even when I am suffering I know you are good. Even when I am wrestling with your will I know that who you are can guide me. Even when I face tragedy and heartache I can still trust in your unfailing love. What a wonderful Father you are."

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