Love in the Time of Uncertainty
Let's start with a little poem I whipped up for the occasion of this post.
I have little motto that I love to say,
It keeps me sane it keeps me safe and on the narrow way.
I say my little motto whenever I am piqued
By any sort of churchy thing that shows up on the street.
It's not a brilliant quote - or something you can't miss.
Instead it's rather silly and it simply goes like this:
I was wrong, I am wrong, I will be wrong again.
I was wrong, I am wrong, I will be wrong again.
When I'm tempted to be stubborn about temporary things.
I was wrong, I am wrong, I will be wrong again.
A few things you may not know about me. By the age of 18 I had memorized 14 books of the New Testament. By the age of 28 I had emerged as a brilliant (though insufferable) speaker.... erudite... charismatic...witty...razor sharp. I could hold a crowd with skill beyond my years. I loved to decry the evils and hypocrisy I saw around me. I reveled in a defense of my faith. I was a skilled apologist. I could quote from authors like Barth, Buber, Schafer, Tozer, Meyers, Moody and Lewis with equal zeal. I was a passionate preacher, a fervent intercessor and a fiery prophet who believed and practiced the gifts of the Spirit. I was a published author and popular speaker. My star was ascendant. If you had asked anyone who knew me 15 years ago (Pastor Tracy can testify to it) they would probably tell you that this is exactly how I saw myself. Note, this is not how others saw me - just how I saw myself. Of course if you know me now this might sound like a different person to you - at least I really hope it does. If it doesn't please have a long talk with me sometime. Among the many things that were off-kilter in my inner and outer life, one of them was certainty.
In this distant past where I wandered aimlessly in the vast desert of my own ego, I was consumed with a certainty I now lack. Don't get me wrong - I am still certainabout some very important things. I'm certain that God loves me and has a plan for my life. I'm certain that relationship with Christ is the only viable foundation for a life of value. These and several other foundational life-giving ideas dominate my "certainty". But these are things we all can agree on - at least all of us in the kingdom. As a young man however, I had no filter between something like "the love of God" and something else like a political view or behavior. I had a decisive "God told me" certainty about virtually everything I believed and every decision I made. This attitude was not rooted in spirituality. Instead it was rooted in the same desire for power and status that drive so many of our internals.
Being sure that I was right meant I owned a particularly ugly world view. I saw the human race as "initiated vs. uninitiated"... "us vs. them". Everyone was separated neatly into those who "know the truth" (they agree with me) and those who are "caught in deception" (they don't agree with me). Now of course we do know truth (THE Truth) that the world desperately needs, but that's not really what I'm talking about. I operated from a position of power and authority in my views - not from a position of love. And I especially loved to bring my views to bear on others in the church. Judgment starts at the house of God after all (though why I should be the one initiating it is still unclear). Such certainty has 2 markers that show themselves to the world as the twin monsters of hypocrisy and self-righteousness (and don't they just deserve each other!). These are also the 2 things the world finds the most objectionable about the church. The basic premise is that people who agree with me are "in" and everyone else is "out". It's also a recipe for unhealthy relationships...of which I had many.
This certainty I possessed was flawed and inevitably helped lead to my ministry blowing up in a spectacular conflagration that nearly enveloped my entire church. It was heart-wrenching for my family and devastating for me personally (even though it was a bed of my own making). I questioned everything - my faith, the existence of God, the very idea of love, the nature of relationship itself...so much for certainty. The good news is that after 2 years of white hot fire and agonizing self-examination, God gave me back my marriage and things were better than I thought possible (really! I never really thought it was possible to have a marriage as content as the one I have with my wife Ann). God gently lead me down a new career path. He brought me to Lifegate where folks from both my past and future were waiting to love me and accept me and my family. And as for certainly? I still hold strong opinions and viewpoints. But I hold them loosely, with gentle hands and the acknowledgement that I could be wrong. This has revolutionized the way I see the church and the body of Christ. Let me explain.
As Christians we invest a lot of time in certainty - being "right". We believe in moral absolutes so naturally we spend time debating right and wrong. We try to find the will of God about the minutest issues. We make an effort to discern the word of God and then stick to it. We listen for God's voice and try to follow his leading. I'm not suggesting that we stop listening. Indeed, how could we? We need the life and breath of God to function as Christians in relationship with Him! What I am advocating however, is that we take the time to examine our current views at any given time in context. In other words, when it comes to certainty there are only a a very few thingsthat are worth gripping tenaciously. Why am I passionate about this? As we'll see it's because a tenacious grip on certainty is destructive while an open handed grip, with humility, is life giving to our relationships. Let me esplain it to you Lucy.
Secret Sauce
Let's start with a simple truth. If you are alone say these words with me.... "I was wrong". If you are near your spouse you have my permission to whisper under your breath. There... that's not so bad is it? It's also absolutely true that at some time or in some place you have been wrong about something. More probably in many places and at many times - perhaps even today you have been wrong about something. I don't just mean that you were wrong about where you parked the car or the broadcast time of your favorite TV show. You have been wrong about significant things... evenspiritual things.
In fact, take a moment and examine what you believe right now. It is probably notprecisely what you believed 10 years ago... or 7 years ago.. or even 3 years ago. If it is you should ask yourself if your Christian growth has stagnated. The truth is we grow and change. Our passions change. Our priorities change. Sometimes even what we think is right and wrong change. We invest emotional energy in things that we eventually abandon as beliefs or values. To use an obvious and somewhat cliched example, nowhere is this more evident than in what we accept or reject about our culture. I don't want to step on anyone's toes here, but we reject and accept things about our culture based on our Christian values and make judgment calls as we go along. We are pretty passionate about what cultural norms or behaviors we believe are right and wrong at a given moment. Yet, things that were unthinkable 20 years ago are accepted as a matter of course these days, meanwhile new prohibitions have arisen to take their place. The Christian cultural rule book is a running target.
Please get the tone of what I'm saying here. I'm not saying the church is falling into moral decay because of what it accepts or rejects about culture. I have neither the moral authority nor the required interest or passion to make that tired old argument. The church swings back and forth from being a voice against elements of culture to embracing and attempting to influence those same elements. Both approaches seem to have a place, so I'm not casting stones. What I am saying is that we invest our time and energy into such things and treat our conclusion as if they were gospel. We seem to throw around the whole "God told me" attitude about our opinions in order to give them moral gravitas. Unfortunately we do not hold ourselves accountable. We don't acknowledge that (yes even as Christians) we often have that very human habit of careening about every which way the wind blows. We do not look back and say "Hmmmm.... guess I was wrong about that. I suppose I owe some folks an explanation." Instead we are glib about the fact that we've changed course and we move on to the next passionate belief.
But the fact remains doesn't it. In many things and in many ways you have been wrong wrong wrong wrong!
Since your life has been a continuous caravan of wrongness it also stands to reason that you will be wrong. Sometime in the future you will find that something you believe... some value you hold... has changed. It's inevitable. To put it another way, if being "orthodox" means grasping the truth in its fullness then we are all heretics. We are journeying (hopefully together) to uncover more and more of the truth. Fortunately we have the very essence of truth in Jesus - the "way the truth and the life". Jesus... who told the woman at the well that true worshipers worship in spirit and in truth. This gives me hope that I grasp some of the truth now but will someday grasp the truth in it fullness. Remember 1 Corinthians 13?
We have a partial picture. We only have a few scattered puzzle pieces of an intricate design. To fully grasp the truth we must know him and be known by him. I John 3:2 says:
The hint is there. I will grasp the truth in its fullness - I will "see Him (Jesus - the Truth) as he really is". Yet until then the fact remains, I will inevitably be wrong.
If you have been wrong in the past, and you will be wrong in the future, then it stands to reason there are things you are wrong about right now. In other words, there are things you may be defending with certainty that you will be scratching your head in wonder about in a year or two. I was wrong, I am wrong, I will be wrong.
What's the Point
Ok, so what. What's your point Mark? Are you just trying to make us feel error prone? Let me try to bridge it together for us. I believe that we invest in certainty in a way that often divides us. Our recent church split was filled with statements of certainty on all sides. Churches split, friendships split, and marriages even split over certainty... that "God told me so" certainty that comes with no accountability. If we could just learn to love in a way that acknowledges that we "know in part" not the whole I'm betting we could grow in a new love and unity that would eclipse anything we've seen before. This is the secret sauce.. the key to empathy and growth... keeping your track record in view will keep your life in perspective.
So when I'm tempted to rise up in certainty and claim moral ground in the name of truth and righteousness... when the choices of my fellow travelers grate on me.... when I'm not happy with the song list.... when the pastor says something I can't buy into... when my brother or sister in Christ does something that offends my sense of Christian law and order (bump bump)..... I remember my chant. I was wrong, I am wrong, I will be wrong again. I was wrong, I am wrong, I will be wrong again.
Reminding myself that I'm still growing and learning and don't have it all together helps me empathize, accept and love others who are truly different from me. No moreus vs. them. And I don't mean love them in that patronizing way we sometimes think of such love. You know what I mean don't you? It's a sort of left-handed "I love you" that really means "I'll be praying for you until you see things my way." No, I mean that I can love folks without demanding a change. This allows me to function in freedom within the body of Christ. It's not my job to be the holy hall monitor anymore!
This is not a mere prohibition against judging. If that were the case I would simply be trying to repress my natural instinct and "go along to get along". I'm not talking about some sort of coping mechanism for difficult people. No indeed! Think of it this way. You have a track record of being wrong. This means you are automatically disqualified for a judgeship. You can't even sit on the jury! Not only should we as Christians not judge, we are not equipped to judge in most areas. Note - we may be equipped to discern, advise, counsel, encourage... but not to judge. Our record excludes us - and that means we are free! We are free to love. We are free to expand our embrace to encompass those who differ from us - who may not agree with us.
"Lord, we want to have the mind of Christ - not just reflecting inward toward our own thoughts and desires, but radiating outward to embrace others in a new way. Show us the wasteful folly of our petty judgments. Help us be conscious of our own track record and let it inform our attitude toward those around. Thank You Jesus."
Choir Director, singer, piano player, technologist and erstwhile blogger.