Recipe for Christmas Contentedness

Did you ever want to just gloss over a verse in the Bible? Some verses can be so problematic for me I would rather just treat them like the condition of my kid's room - better left with the door closed. For example, after thanking everyone for being concerned about him, Paul says in Philippians 4:11-12:

...I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.

Don't you just want to grab him and shake him a little bit? This old rascal was in prison half the time. He was stoned (with real stones), shipwrecked, and persecuted. This short little tent maker had the nerve to stand up to the Judaisers and preach to the Gentiles. Now he has the nerve to poo poo the sympathy of the church at Philippi. Maybe he's just super spiritual, seeing as how God choose him to write half of the New Testament and all. If anyone had a right to want something better it was Paul. How did he manage to be content in the midst of the hullabaloo in his life?

Learning not to Strive

Yet Paul tells us clearly that he has learned the secret of being content. It was a process for Paul (as it is for all of us). Our culture demands that we live in a state of discontent. We need more stuff, more money, more food, more love... Our economy depends on the fact that we can't seem get enough of anything. We are a discontented lot. Can we really learn to be content? Which brings us to the "Holiday Season" - that stretch between Thanksgiving and New Year's where the urge to splurge is so omnipresent.

Now let me be clear about this. I love the holidays (especially Christmas). I have a traditional family with one wife and three kids. I have the usual spate of in-laws (the Ammons) that keep me on my toes. My own mom and dad live in Phoenix since the summer so we will not be seeing as much of them. Time with the extended Kruger or Ammon family is the usual event with some tension, lots of love and copious amounts of food. I fancy myself as an amateur baker and I love to make pies, pumpkin rolls, cheesecake and Crème Brule.

During the holiday season our house is filled with the smells of nutmeg and cinnamon, the sounds of sappy Christmas music on the piano and the chatter of warm hearted people telling rusty old stories that never fail to entertain us even though they are told each year. At the age of 42 I am more content than I ever imagined I could be. In my youth I was ambitious and driven. As a middle age man I, like Paul, have learned something about being content. I don't lay claim to being able to do it perfectly, but I have a secret that has helped me (with God's grace) mostly overcome discontentedness in my life. Here's my secret in three easy steps.

Point A - I Am Flawed

I am a broken. I am shallow and selfish. I want my own way. I am not what God intended me to be. I cannot be what God intends me to be without his help. This condition of my heart is not the result of parental misguidance, personal tragedy, a flawed upbringing or bad nutrition. It is the natural state of my fallen humanity. Our society has forgotten that the human heart is brutal and untamed. A century ago when told that Hansel and Gretel met a wicked witch, everyone understood that she was wicked. If written today the Brothers Grimm would have to add an extra chapter about her awful upbringing and the unfortunate circumstances that caused her to develop her odd choices for housing construction material and her taste for children.

The truth, ugly as it may seem to us, is that we are flawed and bent on evil. We needredemption. We are in need of Christ and his Grace desperately. There is no way for us to "fix" ourselves. The only way we can overcome this essential selfishness of being is to turn to Jesus and allow him to live through us by the power of the Holy Spirit. Savor that for a moment... God lives His life through us. Consider Paul's words in Galatians 2:20:

I have been crucified with Christ. My ego is no longer central. It is no longer important that I appear righteous before you or have your good opinion, and I am no longer driven to impress God. Christ lives in me. The life you see me living is not "mine," but it is lived by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. (Message Bible)

.... what a marvelous thought. Christ, not just living in me but living his lifethrough me.

Point B - Everyone I Know is Equally Flawed

Newsflash - we all live under the same curse. No one - not Mother Theresa, Billy Graham, Pastor Sean, or your favorite Christian singer - is particularly gifted at "being righteous". When it comes to taming our selfish heart we all must rely on Jesus living through us. That means that each of us is flawed. None of us can claim the high road. Each of us must approach the cross with the same humility. Each of us must acknowledge that we were an enemy of God, and that we are dependent on His mercy and grace.

Point C - When Point B Bugs You Refer to Point A

It's amazing how often we fail to connect the dots between our own condition and the hearts of others. I'm not shocked when people in the kingdom act petty and self-righteous. Why? Because I often find myself acting petty and self-righteous. I know what I am capable of and so I leaven my expectations with forgiveness. When people fail, through Christ I can still feel good about them. Please note that I did not say that I can still "love" them through Christ. Certainly it is true that love is the basis for our relationships and Christ's love governs us all. But when I use such a well-worn gospel cliché, I am often being slyly self-righteous. We sometimes use a sort of God-speak to make ourselves feel better - as in "Sister so-and-so is a no-good, backstabbing, gossipy busybody.... but Jesus gives me the strength to love her" (add soft organ music here). We summon our spirituality to help us bolster our (undeserved) sense of superiority.

But when I remember how flawed I am. When I remember the things I've done and the things I've said that were not in keeping with the character and nature of God, and when I remember how truly marvelous and all-encompassing the love of Jesus is for me, then I can give others a break. I can even consider them favorably and without resentment. Forgiveness and reconciliation come more easily and readily to me when I keep my own flawed nature in perspective.

OK, But What About Contentedness

Now you might find yourself saying:

"Good for you Mark. You have figured out that the fact that you are an idiot makes it easier to deal with the flaws of others. But what does that have to do with being content? How did we end up on this 'I am flawed you are flawed' path?"

Ask yourself this question, "Why am I discontented?"

In our case discontentedness is rarely about need. Even the poorest among us is well fed and well clothed. Indeed, it has been my observation that discontent seems to rise with wealth. I believe this is because being discontent is about what we wantand what we think we deserve. Discontent is that condition that causes marriages to break because people fall "out of love" with each other. Discontent and bitterness go hand in hand. Discontent comes with a lexicon of words like "fair" and "right" and "deserve". That's it isn't it? We are discontent because of what we believe about what we deserve? I deserve a better house, a better marriage, a better life. Discontent is usually about how we fight to keep some areas of our heart from yielding to his more perfect plan.

In my own life, the great struggle within me is between yielding to God and conquering and controlling my own little kingdom (see my post on What Pinky and the Brain Can Teach Us About Love). In some ways we are all little Napoleons running around expanding territory and inventing ice cream. We are in the deceptive business of measuring ourselves against others. We think in terms of status andrights. When talking of other's behavior we say "should" and "shouldn't" but when describing our own we use words like "I just...." and "I only...".

We are not discontented because of a violation of our rights or being treated unfairly or some injustice. We are discontented because we are wretchedly self-centered and focused on our own advancement. Our expectations and sense of what "aught" to be is too often tainted by our constant work to make it to the top of the heap.

Yet when we recognize how His love transforms us we can begin to rest in Him. We can realize that by His standard (the only one that matters) we are all flawed and fallen and in need of his Grace. We can stop measuring ourselves against each other. We can begin to live in community with each other - all working toward the same goal of reflecting Jesus in our lives. So my great secret to contentedness is the same secret to so many things. Walk with a consciousness of what God has done in you, and let him live through you.

Muse Devotions